Thanks to social media, being normal is no longer good enough
Serious question: Are you exceptional? I mean Olympic-athlete-, Einstein-IQ-, Oscar-Award-winning-exceptional? Of course, everyone is unique and inherently worthy, but chances are, you’re just a “normal” person. I am too. Being normal isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Most of us fall into this category. We’re not exceptionally amazing—or exceptionally terrible.
There’s only a small proportion of exceptional people in the world. But, even so, we see an awfully high proportion of exceptional people on TV, depicted in movies and making the rounds on social media. Whether we see the exceptionally great or the exceptionally terrible, it almost seems like being outstanding is the norm. That’s the argument that resonated with me when I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck recently, especially in the context of social media.
If you haven’t read it, I’ll fill you in on the argument: Author Mark Manson advises us that “not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault.” At the end of the day, not everyone can be a household name, and that’s okay. On a theoretical level, we all know that. Of course not everyone is exceptional, but sometimes, it can feel like you’re the only normie in a world full of extraordinaries. And if you’re spending much time on social platforms, that feeling is sure to be reinforced.
There’s an awful lot of content out there on social media, so naturally, we only ever see a fraction of it. An algorithm is hard at work behind the scenes selecting the posts that make it to our feeds, and it usually shows us a couple of types of content: (1) incredible stuff or, (2) shocking or enraging stuff. The algorithm has learned that this type of content garners the most engagement. Posts that inspire or disgust are just so much more engaging than plain old normal content.
The relatable stuff just doesn’t grab our attention the same way. So, it’s the extremes that get amplified. The very best of the best and the very worst of the worst. We see amazing feats of strength, wonderful acts of generosity, exceptionally beautiful people and places. And, we also see epic failures, terrible pranks and gross, outrageous antics. If we place all that content on a bell curve, it’s only the long tails that we end up seeing. Because it’s not as “engaging,” we often don’t see the more benign stuff in the fat part of the curve.
This creates a lot of pressure for those of us consuming - or trying to create - the content extremes. It can feel like being in the normal part of the bell curve is a failure. And, kids are especially susceptible to this kind of pressure. It’s like they’re living in a world where you can’t be normal.
The author even states that “it becomes better to be at the extreme low end of the bell curve than to be in the middle, because at least there you’re still special and deserve attention. Many people choose this strategy: to prove to everyone that they are the most miserable, or the most oppressed, or the most victimized”.
When it’s the extreme content that gets amplified, people also start catering to that. This is why you often see people sharing “highlight reel” content—or courting outrage on social media. They say and do things meant to shock, alarm, hurt and otherwise captivate people. Just think of all the extreme challenges that go viral on TikTok and other platforms. Kids must be feeling a little desperate if they’re filming themselves eating Tide pods or waxing their entire faces.
We already know that platforms like Facebook, Instagram and YouTube amplify extreme content. And thanks to the latest lawsuit against Meta, we know that the company showed kids toxic stuff even though they knew it could be harmful.
The author states that if kids are only seeing the exceptional, “being ‘average’ becomes the new standard for failure.” It can leave you feeling like you only have two choices: excel at school or burn out in spectacular fashion. Place first in the hurdles race or bail with a compound fracture. Be the most talented or least talented. Be exceptional or irrelevant.
Obviously, the pressure to be exceptional existed before social media, but I think that these platforms have turned up the volume in a serious way. They’ve done so even when they knew amplifying extreme content could harm younger users.
As a dad, I want my kids to grow up knowing that it’s normal to be normal. They can have a happy, meaningful and important life even if they’re smack in the middle of the curve. And, I want platforms to care more about kids’ wellbeing. I want them to design digital spaces that encourage children to be themselves. That’s a big part of why I started Kinzoo in the first place. When we create platforms that surround kids with people who care about them and content that inspires them, we give them access to the best of technology. And that’s an exceptional thing.
A deeper dive
Here are a few helpful resources in case you want to really dig into today's topic:
Jack Doherty is a controversial YouTuber, and one of his schticks is harassing strangers—from behind a team of bodyguards. Sound outrageous? It is. And he has about 13.2 million subscribers on YouTube. I’d file this kind of viral stardom under extraordinarily bad. Recently, one angry target made it through his team of bodyguards and landed a good punch. Suffice it to say that a lot of people experienced schadenfreude watching that one.
I might have mentioned this toilet steak before, so apologies for bringing it up again. It’s just a great example of the shocking stuff that can go viral. And the truth is, there’s a whole genre of food influencers on TikTok that’ll make you scratch your head. According to the “chef” behind the toilet steak, “the whole thing is to try to get as many views and clicks and comments as you can. And the controversy of what I do is part of the reason why it’s so successful.”
TL;DR
Too long; didn't read. It shouldn't be a full-time job to keep up on industry news, so here is a mercifully quick summary of some other notable developments:
ChatGPT has gotten a whole lot better at generating images. The premium version of the AI platform got an update and it can now make artwork with fairly simple prompts. After experimenting with the platform, Garrett Scott McCurrach, the chief executive of Pipedream Labs, has this to say: “I think that’s a really good example of where A.I. is going,” he said. “We can be a lot more vague; we can give it more of a vibe than a concrete idea. Then it can go and make the assumptions to get where it needs.” I think it’s safe to say we can expect a lot more machine-generated art in the future.
Twitch is hugely popular among gamers, and with massive amounts of live-streaming content, it’s been difficult for the platform to moderate some of it. Recently, they’ve been contending with a swath of topless streamers, and to combat the trend, they’ve launched a new attire policy. According to Tech Crunch, streamers are “no longer permitted to “imply or suggest that they are fully or partially nude,” and may not show a visible outline of their genitals, even if they’re covered. Covering breasts or genitals with objects or censor bars to suggest nudity is also prohibited. Female-presenting streamers may show cleavage, as long as their nipples and underbust are covered, and “it is clear that the streamer is wearing clothing.” Of course, having a policy like this is only one aspect of the equation. You also need to be able to enforce it.
And lastly
Here are a few more pieces of original writing from me and my team—just in case you're keen for more:
My team wrote this helpful parents’ guide for Twitch, in case you have more questions about the streaming platform.
And to cover your gaming bases, here’s a rundown of the [pros and cons of Discord](https://www.kinzoo.com/blog/what-parents-need-to-know-about-discord#:~:text=Are there risks to using,to adult content or cyberbullying.) for kids.