“Screen time” is a red herring
Issue #50
Whenever I meet other parents and they learn that I work in kid-tech, they inevitably ask me the same question: “how much screen time should we let our kids have?” And I always give them the same answer: “you’re actually asking the wrong question.” What I tell them is that, rather than focusing on the time spent on screens, they need to take a closer look at what their children are doing on those screens.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not advocating for a free-for-all with technology, and we do have limits on screen time in my household. When my daughter was younger, she would get 30 minutes on weekdays, 45 minutes on the weekdays that she had a karate class and 2 hours on weekends. But those rules weren’t in place because I thought something magical would happen in her brain after one of the (rather arbitrary) time limits. Instead, those were the quantities of time that my wife and I were comfortable with—where we feel that our daughter was still getting a good balance of other activities.
You see, screen time alone isn’t the enemy; as with many things in life, quality is much more important than quantity. And not all screen time is created equal. I repeat: not all screen time is created equal. This is something I say again and again—and something I will continue to say until the moral panic over screen time is a thing of the past. For ages, I’ve been arguing that families need a different way to think about tech use. Time stamping just misses the point, because there is so much nuance in technology use. It’s true that some screen activities are passive or even dangerous for children, and parents are right to limit or exclude those.
But, I’m a firm believer that technology can have a positive impact on our kids if we can give them access to the best of it. In my book, Screen Captured, I talk at length about all the wonderful ways technology can improve our lives—and a huge benefit I discuss is access to information. Just think about the incredible amount of knowledge that kids have access to on the internet—literally at their fingertips.
I grew up pre-internet, and this kind of access to knowledge is something I couldn’t have imagined in my youth. I was limited to what I could find at the local library or in my parent’s encyclopedia set. I still remember the day that we got our first CD-ROM encyclopedia, which seems quaint now, but was nothing short of mind-blowing at the time. As an eager student, I relied on this new technology to improve my school work. But the 700-megabyte capacity of a CD-ROM is nothing compared to the amount of information on the internet. Just between Google, Amazon, Microsoft, and Facebook servers, there is an estimated 1.2 million terabytes of data! This is many, many orders of magnitude more information than what I had access to as a kid—and when used responsibly, it’s an invaluable resource for young learners. I’ve witnessed firsthand how access to information can inspire kids. My daughter uses tech to learn about anything and everything on her mind, and I coach her on how to ask the right questions in search engines and identify reliable results.
With my oversight, she also uses technology to play games like Roblox and Minecraft—which help hone her problem-solving, creativity and collaboration skills. She plays online with her friends and is banned from connecting with anyone we don’t know personally. Together, she and her friends learn new skills and have a lot of fun exploring.
And you can’t talk about the benefits of tech without talking about connection. My daughter is able to stay in touch with family and friends in a way that simply wasn’t possible before the internet. When we moved to Vancouver in 2017, she had to leave friends behind. It used to be that, when a kid moved away, that was the last you saw of them. But Kaylie was able to stay in touch with friends—all because of screens. In this same way, technology also helps long-distance families stay connected and share special moments—no matter how far apart they are.
Finally, screens can provide endless entertainment. Thanks to Netflix, YouTube and on-demand TV, there’s always something entertaining and appropriate for my daughter to enjoy (as long as I’m actively vetting things). We watch a lot of shows together, and she spends a lot of time on the YouTube channels I’ve pre-approved. These are just a few examples of how screen time has had a positive impact on my family. That’s why simply time-stamping tech misses so much of the nuance. It’s far more important to look at the kinds of activities children are doing with screens. If my kids are doing something that’s active, skill-building or helping to deepen a meaningful relationship, I consider that screen time well spent—and I will not feel any morsel of panic or shame for giving them access to technology for those reasons.
Luckily, the conversation around screen time seems to be evolving, and more and more experts and parents are starting to think more about quality and less about quantity. They’re bringing more nuance to the conversation and acknowledging that this is not a black-and-white issue. And to me, this is a welcome shift. I hope we can continue to push for more thoughtful discourse on a topic that has, historically, caused an outsized amount of anxiety for parents. We have enough of that as it is.
A deeper dive
Here are a few helpful resources in case you want to really dig into today's topic:
Dr. Jean Twenge is a professor of psychology who has previously suggested that screen time is as bad for teen girls as heroin. I have always disagreed with that kind of alarming (and totally untrue) characterization of screen time, and I’ve written about it at length before. But recently, Dr. Twenge and her colleagues have written an article I find myself agreeing with: they argue that some forms of screen time are worse than others, and suggest that it’s ludicrous to lump every screen activity together arbitrarily. While I’m pleased to see this kind of level-headed argument, I find it a bit ironic—since Dr. Twenge has pretty much done a 180 on how she used to talk about kid’s tech use.
One of my favorite sources for level-headed tech advice is CyberWise. They do such a fabulous job of explaining the nuance to parents, and I especially enjoyed their recent webinar: Kids & Screen Time: How Much Is Too Much? (Spoiler: these experts do not give a magical time limit, but rather discuss the importance of what kids are doing with their screen time.)
TL;DR
Too long; didn't read. It shouldn't be a full-time job to keep up on industry news, so here is a mercifully quick summary of some other notable developments:
Yik Yak is an anonymous social media message board, and according to research, it is designed “in a way that it is possible to get the precise location of a user’s post, and see users’ unique IDs, potentially allowing someone to dox and stalk users.” As a parent, I’m especially wary of apps that boast anonymity or disappearing content, because I think this gives children a false sense of security. Often, things on the internet aren’t as anonymous or ephemeral as app companies would like us to believe.
It can be tricky to talk to children about tragic or frightening world events—but it’s also near impossible to shelter them from these things entirely. Luckily, there are lots of resources for parents who aren’t sure where to begin. NPR has shared some quick tips and a podcast episode that could be helpful for parents and caregivers during this time.
And lastly
Here are a few more pieces of original writing from me and my team—just in case you're keen for more:
If you want to know more about Yik Yak, the anonymous social media app I mentioned above, check out this handy parent’s guide from my team.
Keeping kids safe online can feel like a monumental task, but if you’re looking for a few quick, easy wins for digital safety, check out this article from my team.
Okay, that's it from me until next time. If you enjoyed this newsletter, and know of another parent who would as well, please feel free to forward it along.