It’s not just kids who can’t put their phones down
Issue #60
Kids are like little sponges. They seem to absorb everything around them (especially when an adult accidentally lets a cuss word slip out). While kids are their own people, they are also reflections of their parents, for better or worse. They’re hyper-aware of what we’re doing—even if it appears like they’re not even listening to us most of the time.
Our children see how we behave, and this, in turn, influences their behavior. I think this is something that often gets left out of the screen time discussion. As parents, we are told to limit our kids’ screen time (or restrict it entirely for children under 2). We’re told to keep kids away from social media, be conscious of blue light around bedtime, have screen free-zones in the home, not allow phones at the dinner table—and so on. But even the best-laid strategies for managing kids’ screen time can be undone when we’re not paying attention to the way we interact with technology ourselves.
That’s because we’re constantly modeling our own tech habits to our children, and it’s not uncommon for us to be hypocritical. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a parent admonish a child for an online behavior, banish their child from tech, and then turn back to their own Instagram feed. Many parents (and adults in general) are just as obsessed with tech as kids are. If children observe you staring at your phone, they’ll inevitably want to do what you do, and they’ll ask to be on the platforms you’re on.
We can’t ignore the fact that we’re as enthralled by our phones as anyone. And this isn’t a personal failing or lack of willpower. It’s a bit more complicated than that because the devices and platforms we use every day are designed to capture our attention. And they’re very, very good at it. They give us little hits of dopamine and light our brains up in much the same way that gambling does—and this is by design.
Because the platforms that we use are so good at grabbing and keeping our attention, it’s not unusual for minutes or even hours to creep by as we scroll through Instagram, TikTok or Twitter. Sometimes you find yourself unlocking your phone and opening a social app almost on autopilot. When ad-driven platforms make money from our attention, they’re highly incentivized to pull any lever they can to keep us engaged. Most adults find their phones and apps to be irresistible, so it’s no surprise that our kids feel the same way.
I’m not trying to suggest that parents need to lock up their own devices or adopt the same time limits as their kids. In fact, I don’t think that time limits are the most effective way for anyone of any age to build a healthy relationship with technology. That’s just one aspect of the equation, but I’d argue it’s more important to think about what you’re doing while you’re using tech, rather than just how long you’re spending on your device. Consider also whether you’re missing out on other important things—like exercise, sleep or being present with your family. Balance is as important for parents as it is for children.
And, be intentional with the tech that you choose to use. Look for apps, games or products that you can enjoy as a family and prioritize the platforms that bring you together, inspire your creativity and introduce you to new things. And remember that your kids are always watching. As a parent, you have a huge influence on how they relate to technology. The good news is that you can make a difference with the example you set.
A deeper dive
Here are a few helpful resources in case you want to really dig into today's topic:
It seems like no one is immune to the allure of the screen—including grandparents. A large number of Baby Boomers are apparently having trouble putting their phones down, and they’re spending their time scrolling, gaming and exploring social media. But, many are finding that technology also has the potential to bring them closer to loved ones. According to the Washington Post, “[t]he phone is also a tool for grandparents to connect with people in their lives. Many people we spoke to said their parents enjoy reading things out loud from their phones, telling their families or anyone nearby about the weather, the headlines or viral stories that may or may not be true.”
A recent poll about parents’ attitudes towards tech in the home showed that they tend to be optimistic when it comes to screen time. The report also suggested that parents be mindful of their own tech use around kids. I liked this bit of advice: “Be honest about your own internet use: Trying to hide your screen time from your children may encourage them to do the same. Similarly, modeling healthy habits—while owning up to and showing how to avoid less healthy ones—is important. In fact, this is one behavior you can control that potentially has significant impact on your child’s internet use.”
TL;DR
Too long; didn't read. It shouldn't be a full-time job to keep up on industry news, so here is a mercifully quick summary of some other notable developments:
While the need to belong is nothing new, technology can give us new ways of assessing our belonging—and new ways to exclude each other. Every kid is likely to experience some sort of exclusion at some point, but being purposely left out of group chats can amount to cyberbullying. I appreciated this article from the Wall Street Journal, which explores how this kind of “passive” bullying can affect children.
It’s no secret that divisive content garners more engagement on social media—and Facebook and YouTube have both come under fire for serving up negativity to boost metrics. That’s why I wasn’t at all surprised to learn about a new trend on TikTok, where the grossest-possible recipes are going viral. I think The Verge sums it up perfectly with this observation: “In the endless struggle for engagement, gross recipes have become more powerful than appetizing ones.”
And Lastly
Here are a few more pieces of original writing from me and my team—just in case you're keen for more:
It’s a common criticism that social media only shows people’s “highlight reels,” leading us to compare and despair. The new social app BeReal is trying to sell itself as a more “authentic” platform—but it still comes with risks for children. Here’s what parents need to know.
Ask any parent and they’ll tell you how daunting it can feel to try and keep your kids safe online. It is a big challenge, but breaking it down into smaller tasks can help make it more manageable. To that end, here are five easy things you can do to help protect your children.